I have read somewhere that
It’s only when you experience pain , can you develop a poetic heart..
It is true , isn’t it? It is only when we are deeply moved or hurt that we write . Inking down our thoughts and emotions,scarring the white sheet of paper .
I have always believed that certain people come in our life with a purpose and if that purpose is accomplished, it’s time to say goodbye.
Something just like that happened very recently to me. At first I was overwhelmed,I was feeling needy and attached. I didn’t want to let go of that purpose. I was’nt ready for that goodbye which came without prior notice.
It was like you have reached for the moon but just then an eclipse comes around leaving you in the dark.
I am mostly a reserved kinda guy . I don’t keep many friends but the few I have they are my strength and gems of my life.
It happened three months back. I sent a mail to a girl who works at the same magazine as I do.
I was very formal in the beginning,I gave a lot of thought as to how to interact with her , what my first message should be . Being very careful as to not portray myself in a bad light .
Luck has it , I soon got a reply from her and one thing led to another and soon we were like best of friends.
My dawn started with her and my night ended with her.
Her melodious voice used to echo in my ears all day long. Whenever,I was working.Wherever , I was lurking.My thoughts were all about her .
We used to send endless messages, long conversations on call and shared almost everything about each other.
“Almost” because I believe that no matter how much you express your thoughts somethings are always left unsaid.
She was a breath of fresh air . Four years younger than me ,not really a mature woman though she is twenty years old but it was her child-like glee that attracted me towards her .
She gave a new angle to my life. A broader perspective. She filled me with confidence and gave me that push that I was looking for ,towards unleashing my potentiality and fulfilling my dream – to become a writer!
If I was an ice – cold , hard ‘Himalayas‘ she was the dazzling sun – melting me and making my emotions flow into rivers and finally into the depths of the ocean.
After planning and cancelling for several weeks , we finally met. I wanted to meet her since I yearned to see clearly the girl I used to talk endlessly and fearlessly on phone.
Was the meeting destined?
I swear It was dejavu when I met her. Like I have been with her before.
She was dressed simply and soberly. The kohl in her eyes were intoxicating and the sound of her laughter reverberating like the ‘koyal’ birds.
Rosy lips and that enchanting smile with a tinge of blush. She was simply a beautiful soul.
It was one of the longest day of my life. Every moment was so revelling that I didn’t want the day to end and say goodbye.
Soon, what should have ended with a day extended towards the cold,chilly night.
Passions ignited , I wanted to remain in between her heaven wanting the ebbing desire to overflow.
Two friends became one that night. Under the dark night sky we were like ‘Adam and Eve’
It was the turning point of our lives. Nothing was same as before. Everything seemed to shake, the foundation which we had built of companionship .
What now should be the future course?
We discussed and debated , laughed and cried.
Finally we reached to a conclusion.
” Our thoughts have been clouded by each other. We couldn’t think straight. Our perspective and vision have become foggy. We are taking too much of space of each other . We must learn to be detached………………….”
She said “I am becoming a habit in your life and its time to rethink where this is going….”
With heavy heart I made a pact with her to keep distance. Friends we will remain but talk often we won’t.
We both needed time to sort out our priorities . We both have strong dreams and aspirations , we were not in the position to jeopardize that with ‘romance’.
As she bid me farewell with a sweet smile , I sensed my heart shattering into pieces.
In this conflict between the head and the heart , my head took command crushing my heart.
To tell her that I am falling in love with her seemed impossible. My head shut down my system . I could only stay numb and watch her walk away from me.
She may not be a part of my life but she is definitely a part of an entire chapter of my novel which could’nt have been possible without her sacrifice.
I know she too loved me but when your love becomes your weakness its wise to take a step back. …………
Life is’nt just about getting educated, a good job and then settling down with partner bearing children.
There is more to life than just following these societal norms and expectations.
Do what makes you feel happy because in the end it is you who has to die alone.